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There’s a lump in my stocking, but it ain’t coal

27 Dec

mortoise the christmas tortoise

The baby Jesus continues to dole out miracles even after his birthday. For your viewing (and downloading & printing) pleasure, I present to you:   Red Meat: Vanity Fair’s Official 2012 Republican Beefcake Calendar | Politics | Vanity Fair.

GOVERNMENT HOOKER

8 Apr

Dearest Readers (all five of you),

It has been a while since I posted, and for that, I apologize. It certainly has not been for lack of material. Quite the contrary, since teabag fever swept Congress, my brain has basically been on the verge of exploding. As a result, whatever I would attempt to write quickly devolved from cheeky humor into all-caps fury at the latest wackadoo assault by the right on working class/women/gays/poor kids/immigrants/Muslims, etc. (How ’bout that jobs plan, eh?) Not wanting to sound like some loser ranting in the comments section of the Washington Post, I refrained from posting, but I never stopped paying attention.

As the Professor and I departed this weekend for a trip to New Orleans, I found myself back in the same spot at the Columbus airport where I encountered Threat Level Orange last fall. It was fitting, as he has been inescapable this week during the all-important federal budget negotiations. Thanks to the reliably weenie Dems, who were apparently too busy watering down the healthcare bill last spring to pass a budget while they held a majority in Congress, my beloved/reviled Tan Man has his back against the ropes as the clock ticks closer toward the midnight deadline to avoid a federal government shutdown. Will he cave to the roaring children of the Tea Party or will cooler heads prevail? More importantly, does he want me to have our mocha lovechild so badly that he is willing to cut Planned Parenthood at the knees? I am waiting with bated breath to see if he will repeat those three little words tonight: “So be it.”

Latest GOP Sexytime Scandal Surprises No One

10 Feb

By now you have likely read all about the latest salacious scandal to hit Capitol Hill. Representative Chris Lee (R-NY), married with a young son, got caught emailing a lady from Craigslist and sending her “sexy” photos of himself. The story broke yesterday and Lee has already resigned. In case you haven’t had a chance to read the boring juicy deets for yourself, Gawker has you covered.

Come on, Chris Lee.  Sending a face picture is a total amateur move. You’re an elected official, not some gay dude on Grindr. Some discretion must be exercised. Surely, you’ve picked up a few tips during your two years in DC? How shameful to have to resign without even getting to bang that chick.

If you’re curious about Mrs. Chris Lee, you can see her here. For more on Lee’s would-be lover, click here.