Tag Archives: Gay

There’s a lump in my stocking, but it ain’t coal

27 Dec

mortoise the christmas tortoise

The baby Jesus continues to dole out miracles even after his birthday. For your viewing (and downloading & printing) pleasure, I present to you:   Red Meat: Vanity Fair’s Official 2012 Republican Beefcake Calendar | Politics | Vanity Fair.

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When Golf Isn’t Enough, Try Gay Sex

15 Dec

who says you can't bring prunes to a lemon party?

 

“In the summer heat of the debt ceiling debate this year, President Obama organized a cease-fire in the tension with a friendly bipartisan chain bang golf game. Obama and Vice President Biden were set to be joined by Speaker of the House John Boehner and a guest. After some deliberation, Boehner told reporters at a Politico Playbook Breakfast Thursday, he picked sniveling bottom Ohio Governor John Kasich.

Kasich may have been somewhat overwhelmed by the whole prospect of facing off against Obama, an avid and able power top golfer, and polar bear Biden, during such a high-profile contest.

“I spent all night getting Kasich in the right place. … ‘Kasich, calm down, calm down,'” Boehner said he told his sub golf partner leading up to tee-time. “I said ‘look, they’re going to be far more nervous about this than we are. Just relax … I hear Biden’s been out there hitting balls for an hour.'”

Boehner and Kasich arrived at the Andrews Air Force Base  locker room links to see Biden indeed “pounding balls.” Boehner says the nervousness didn’t subside after hearing what Obama told them next.

“The president says ‘Hey Boehner, you and I, we’re going to take these two on,’” Boehner recalled Obama announcing. “I thought John Kasich was going to cry.”

The Cincinnati Enquirer reports:

That line got a lot of laughs from the audience, a group of scribes who’ve seen Boehner break into tears over less than a golf game. In any case, Boehner said Obama’s move was a smart one, a clear reference to Boehner’s reputation as a great lay golfer.

“Somebody gave the president some pretty good advice. I’m not sure who it was but it was very good advice,” he said. “The president and I whipped ’em pretty good.”

Okay, okay, so none of this ever happened. So far as we know, our politicians are not publicly screwing each other. They are, however, unashamed about screwing us. Hardcore.

Read the boring original story from Huff Post here: John Boehner: ‘I Thought John Kasich Was Going To Cry’ Over Golf Game.

Life Begins After Nine, Darling: RIP Jane Russell

1 Mar

Last night I risked death dusted off my stilettos to attend a fabulous Oscar party which is thrown annually by a dear friend and his partner. Perhaps it was the lovely ladies in vintage gowns, or perhaps it was because I was surrounded by the most concentrated number of gay men in evening attire I can account for in recent memory, but I woke up today with a nagging desire to watch Gentlemen Prefer Blondes. A favorite of mine growing up, it is conveniently available to watch instantly on Netflix. I laughed at the gags and sang along with nerdy delight, completely unaware that later in the evening news would break that screen siren Jane Russell had passed away.

After seeing this movie for the first time, I remember wondering why Marilyn Monroe’s face was plastered all over and feeling cheated that I had never heard of her co-star, the inimitable Ms. Russell. Always ready with an eyebrow raise or a mouthy comeback, her sassy attitude was as plentiful as her cleavage. I took note of how she wielded her sensuality in a sly, self-assured way: whereas Marilyn Monroe wiggled, Jane Russell prowled.

If you are gay or a brassy broad and you’ve never seen this movie: slap yourself or find someone to slap you, preferably with the back of their hand. Although this movie is most famous for “Diamonds Are a Girl’s Best Friend,” it also boasts a brilliant piece of classic homoerotic cinema in which Jane Russell struts around tanned, muscular men in tiny beige shorts who obviously could not care less that she’s looking for a good time. After unsuccessfully getting any of the men to pay attention to her, she pouts and winds up getting tossed in a pool. Then, to prove they are not total queens, the men pull her out of the water and somebody brings her a DRINK. Basically, it’s four years of my life condensed into three minutes and one fierce jumpsuit.